Every time someone takes a picture of like, Bigfoot, or the Lock Ness monster, or like, flying saucers, every picture that comes out is always blurry. How weird is that? Ever notice that little detail? There is no picture of Bigfoot in which he is not blurry.

And everyone complains 'Oh, it's fake cause it's blurry.' Well, go find a regular picture of Bigfoot. And they won't be able too, because the problem isn't the photographers fault. My theory is that Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me.

Cause now, there's a large, out of focus monster roaming the country side. "Aw crap he's fuzzy! Run, get outa here!"

Same with the UFO's. Most of the time, they're clouds, or planes, or comets, or things like that. But maybe the aliens are actually blurry. You never know. On their world, everything is out of focus and blurry, which leads to comon identification errors: "Hey Bob!" "I'm Jim!" "Sorry, you look just like Bob!"

Okay, so there are a lot of things that sleep deprivation can cause, we've all been through that before. But there are a few things that a serious lack of sleep can cause that I, previsouly, was not aware were physically, or metaphorically even, possible.

Imagine. A city somewhere in the United States. This city, like most cities, is perfectly normal. Compare it to Chicago, though it is not Chicago. There is one little detail, however, that makes this city slightly different than other cities. This detail is the fact that there are a few too many shoe shops. While touring this city, people often sub-conciously register the fact that there are too many shoe shops.

Now, in order to produce more shoes, more shoe shops are required. However, with every shoe shop that is built, the quality of the shoes degrade a little bit. So, more and more shoe shops are built, and the quality of the shoes gets worse and worse, forcing more people to buy more pairs of shoes.

This entire situation finally climaxes in what is dubbed the Shoe Event Horizon, after which it is no longer economically possible to build anything but shoe shops. The result is crime, famine, disease, utter destruction of millions of people.

Don't let this happen to your city.

Okay, so, let it be known: I have long hair. This is sort of okay, it's cool enough. I have it up in a pony tail. Fine. However, I was recently surrounded by a bunch of teenage girls who forced me down and gave me a pair of French Braids, some random pineapple-style dew, and probably a few more things that I wasn't aware of.

Okay, so, fine, I get embarrased a little (a lot actually), and they have some fun with my hair. Sounds harmless right? Wrong. They had to take pictures. And a certain girl is almost surely going to put them on the internet.

So, as of really soon, my social life is officially over.

This is not so cool.

So, guys, for those of you who have really long hair - cut it now, or if you don't want to do that, never let any girls near your hair. You will surely not leave such an experiance with a better repuation. You will, in fact, lose several self-respect points.

Heed my warnings.

I am most definately going to cut my hair now - solely from that experiance.

That was not cool at all.

Okay, so, they say that breaking up is hard to do. What they don't say however, is how intensely easy just breaking stuff in general is. For instance, breaking limbs is very easy. Breaking things like computers and electronic is surprisingly easy as well. And, as we know, the mentality of your instructors is very fragile too.

However, there are just a few things that people should really try to be careful not to break. One such item is the toilet. Obviously, for you toilet breakers, you have never had the experiance of using a broken toilet. It is not pleasant, and I don't really want to go into details here, but I doubt it's very hard to guess what I'm getting at.

Other things that fall under the same category are of course, bottles of Axe. Let's face it, the stuff smells horrible, even in just small quantities. When an entire bottle breaks however, and the stuff is let loose into a room, the smell doesn't just not go away - oh no, it stays there for weeks, and gets worse. Imagine the Axe smell, only on drugs. Yeah, that's what it smells like.

One of the most important items that should be made nigh-unbreakable is, of course, great big bottles of Super Paint. This is low quality industrial paint that they use to glue other painted items together. They don't actually, they use it to glue two painted things together for eternity. One of the downsides of the Super Paint bottles is their faily fragile state, and it is because of this that I still have Super Paint stuck to my shoes, my clothes, my hands and upper arms, and portions of my hair. This is after three days with approximately four showers per hour.

So please, everyone, be careful when handling certain items, because breakable objects can cause people pain, or in my case, incredibly permenant staining of the skin and probably poisoning of the mind. Why do you think I keep writing these things?

Italian law makers have recently passed a series of laws that force all Italian pizza makers to make pizza by certain standards, or lese they may have their pizza-making-liscense suspended. These laws include the following:

-No pizza made in the country of Italy may be larger than 35cm in diameter, and no more than .3 cm thick in the middle.

Okay. Seriously now. Muffin's are getting way too big for anyone. They're gigantic! It could be served as an entrie course at the Texas Roadhouse. And don't even talk to me about the size of the blueberries in them. I think there's some mathimatical theorum that states: "The size of the blueberries and/or chocolate chips embedded in muffins must be directly proportional to the muffins themselves."

They are way too big for they're own good. Those blueberries are the size of....really really really big blueberries. And the chocolate chips seem as though they implant Hershey Kisses directly into the dough.

Okay, time to admit it - everyone has indulged in the classically imature "-in bed" game. The one where you take a slogan or motto from somewhere - usually hardwear stores or pet food brands - and add the words 'in bed' after it, to create some sort of comical sexual inuendo.

Last week sort of, while pondering some dimensions in geometry, and while listening to "Poisoning the Pigeons in the Park" by Tom Lehrer, I came to the conclusion that I want to change my name to "And4re." The '4' would be silent.

Do you think that they'd allow that? I was just thinking - how cool would that be? When you write checks out - you'd have that 4 in there. Or when telemarketers tried to call me - they'd think it was just a typo in their listings, but nope. "And4re."

See, you can put hyphens and dots and apostrophes in names - why not numbers? And how about an exclamation point after your name? "And4re!" That would be awesome.

I am so going to do that.

And become famous.

Apparently Werewolf Was Allergic To Peanuts
NEW ORLEANS—The werewolf who died while attacking a young woman Sunday must have been allergic to peanuts, experts said Tuesday. "The wolfman crashed through the intended victim's front window, but before the accursed beast could tear her apart in a savage fury, he stepped in a bowl of honey-roasted peanuts," said Dr. Alex Price, professor of lycanthropic studies at Tulane University. "Within seconds, the hellbeast's face began to swell, and he collapsed into an anaphylactic attack, unable to breathe." Price said that, had the werewolf not been more animal than man at the time of the attack, he likely would have used the epinephrine injection pen paramedics found in the breast pocket of his shirt.

That's right. Werewolves are not invincible!