May 19, 2004
The N.P.A.

Apparently Werewolf Was Allergic To Peanuts
NEW ORLEANS—The werewolf who died while attacking a young woman Sunday must have been allergic to peanuts, experts said Tuesday. "The wolfman crashed through the intended victim's front window, but before the accursed beast could tear her apart in a savage fury, he stepped in a bowl of honey-roasted peanuts," said Dr. Alex Price, professor of lycanthropic studies at Tulane University. "Within seconds, the hellbeast's face began to swell, and he collapsed into an anaphylactic attack, unable to breathe." Price said that, had the werewolf not been more animal than man at the time of the attack, he likely would have used the epinephrine injection pen paramedics found in the breast pocket of his shirt.

That's right. Werewolves are not invincible!

It's time to fight back!

This proves that it's time for the National Peanut Act. Every person living in the United States should be required to carry a bag - no matter what size - of peanuts around at all times. This is not only a helpful public safety measure, but people will be encouraged to carry around more than one bag - just in case they get hungry.

Vote for the N.P.A. on June 21st. Let werewolves threaten us no longer!

Posted at 12:03 pm by Shrike

 

Leave a Comment:

Name


Homepage (optional)


Comments





Previous Entry Home Next Entry






Do not mess with this dude.

This is where the rants are.

All rants copyright 2004 by Shrike Inc. All who violate these law-things will burn in the ever-increasingly-clichè fires of some insanely hot place.

Ant farms do not work. They do not grow anything.

Thank you.



Contact Me

<< May 2004 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
 01
02 03 04 05 06 07 08
09 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31

This rant page is updated every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and sometimes Saturday too if I feel like it. Read! Post a comment, or something; all critiques, critisms, hate-mail, and, why not, positive responses are welcome.

Being unique stopped being unique back when everyone wanted to be unique.









If you want to be updated on this weblog Enter your email here:




rss feed