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May 5, 2004
Okay. There are a lot of people wondering what the definition of a 'tool' is. Having pondered the question myself, I will explain to everyone how to point one out.
Firstly, let's try to identify the basics. Tools are things that people can use to their advantage. Like hammers. Or guns. Or little siblings.
To point out a tool, all you have to do is identify the person that you wish to classify as a 'tool' or anything besides one.
For example, let' take this guy.
His name is Steve.
He works at some sort of place that has to do with oily-type contraptions. He is wearing sunglasses and a cap, and he has a mustache. However, since there doesn't seem to be anything abnormal about him, he is not a tool.
A tool is someone who really isn't cool at all. They don't contribute to society in general in any way, but they still try to blend in by being 'unique.' Or something along those lines. Steve here seems to be contributing - he's standing at engine/drink-maker type things. He's not really a tool. However, if, in high school, he tried to blend in with everyone else, or did random stuff to stand out, and no one liked him, then he would be a tool.
There is a guy I know. His name is R.J. He ran around in 3rd grade pretending to be an alien. No one likes him. His middle name is Justin. Recently he tried to get everyone to call him that. He is a tool. He's not cool, yet he tries to be.
Here is an exmaple of a tool.
His name is Fred. Note: he's wearing red shorts. Those never look good. He has a motorcycle - because he wants to be like everyone else in that room. He's wearinga hat that says 'aprilia.' No one knows what that means. He is a tool.
Now, here's another example.
I could not find his name, so let's call him 'Buffy.' Buffy here doesn't appear to be a tool at first - but be careful, he's wearing a suit, which means he couild be in politics. If he his, then he's a tool. Everyone knows that politics don't matter, especially now, with Shubbery here in the White House. So Buffy's a tool. Sorry Buffy.
Now, while some tools require a thorough investigation to spot, some don't need any at all. Observe.
This guy, Jimmy, has 'tool' written all over him. You can just tell. Doesn't he look like a tool? He was obviously one of those depressed kids in high school who didn't get a date until senior year, and who will go to college thinking he will make a difference. He won't.
And finally, it is important to distinguish between a tool, and someone who's cool. Let's look at a group of people and pick out the tools.
Okay, so the semi-Asian-looking guy on the right is a tool. He has a lisp and studies everyday. All day. The guy in the middle, in the white shirt, Xavier, isn't a tool. He has long hair, which can go both ways, but he is also big and in the front. Not a tool. The girl to the left is in the middle. She's not a tool, but wearing the green hat isn't quite her thing. The dude sticking his tongue out in the back is a tool. His name is Bobbo and he's just a tag-along. The girl too the far right is a cool one. She's wearing combination shower cap/sponge.
Most of the rest are tools as well. Though the guy off the left of the screen is a cool dude. I know him.
Please, keep in mind my pointers, and you will have no trouble at all identifying a tool.
When they are all identified, then we can group them together and send them off to someplace way the hell off in Canada. Then they can hang around and think that they're all cool.
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